my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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