Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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