Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
