you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
