For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize