Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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