Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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