im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
