Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
