summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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