Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I love you.
Bad choice
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
