Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
