There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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