Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
