So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
