so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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