bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize