there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
