I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
