no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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