Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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