I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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