I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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