Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
