Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
