Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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