tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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