Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
