I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There's even glitter on my cock...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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