Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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