Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
