i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
