I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
