Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Shame - the story of my life.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
