She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Congratulations! We have a period
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