can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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