at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
