i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize