i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
