Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
