rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
