so that wasnt chicken after all
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
