I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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