Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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