Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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