holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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