I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
