There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
