The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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