I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
