an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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