Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
