I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize