Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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