His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
