It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize