i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
