Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
