pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
