White coat. Heels.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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