I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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