I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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