U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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