She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
