as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
