i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
