oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
