just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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