if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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