Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
