I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she looked like the before picture.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
