I heard we made out
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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