She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
