I wish life had little blips of pornography
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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