3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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