think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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