At least make sure they are 18
Why
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
