girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm just crazy horny about you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
