The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
