It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
