zippers are such a cool invention
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize