Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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