Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i think we sleep fucked last night...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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