So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
