Don't you send me to vm
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
