I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize