when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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