Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
