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I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
