Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
