It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
