what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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