It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
