I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
