After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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