What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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