Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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