this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize