she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
