All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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